A long dream of separation
Chapter 1
I couldn’t afford the exorbitant down payment on a house, so my fiancée of many years dumped me.
And then she turned around and married my best friend, zero down payment required, and they moved to the big city together.
It was Sarah who helped me out of the darkness and agreed to marry me.
After the wedding, we were inseparable, and I gave her all my love.
Until one day, I overheard a conversation between her and her best friend.
“Sarah, you encouraged Amy’s mother to demand a higher down payment at the last minute, ruining John’s marriage, just to fulfill Ashton’s wish.”
“And you’re trapping John in a loveless marriage for the rest of his life. Is doing all this for Ashton really worth it?”
Sarah gave a wry smile.
“As long as Ashton’s happy, I’ll do anything.”
I froze, my heart aching.
Sarah never loved me. It was all a charade, a cage built in the name of love.
1
I came home early to share my promotion news with Sarah, only to be hit with this devastating truth.
They hadn’t noticed me, still chatting in the sunroom.
“Sarah, you’ve been on birth control for too long. If you keep this up, you’ll never have kids.”
“Don’t tell me you’re still hung up on Ashton? You’ve done enough for him already.”
“Why can’t you just accept John and have a family with him?”
Her eyes darkened, then she forced a smile.
“I won’t disturb Ashton’s life. I’ll keep my love for him hidden in my heart.”
She gently touched her stomach.
“I’m not ready for kids. I don’t want to have children with someone I don’t love.”
I clenched my fists, fighting back the turmoil inside.
We’d been married for years, unable to conceive. We’d been to countless doctors.
Every time I brought up trying for a baby, Sarah would make excuses.
Now I knew why. She didn’t want my child.
Sarah’s cousin chimed in.
“Amy, stop pressuring my sister. John’s nothing compared to Ashton.”
“She and Ashton are soulmates. If it wasn’t for his health issues and his family’s disapproval, she would’ve married him.”
Sarah frowned, cutting her cousin off.
“Don’t say that. I’m the one who ruined John’s marriage. I owe him. I married him to atone, and to protect Ashton’s happiness.”
I stumbled, bumping into the shoe rack. The three of them fell silent, turning to look at me.
“Honey, you’re home! I didn’t have time to cook. Let’s eat out.”
Her friend grabbed her purse and disappeared. I just stood there, numb.
“John, what are you doing standing there? Go get changed so we can go.”
She started clearing the sunroom. Her cousin gave me a smug look.
“John, how does it feel to hear my sister say she doesn’t love you?”
“Look at you. You’re not even fit to shine Ashton’s shoes. How can you have the nerve to stay here?”
My heart, once warmed by Sarah, turned to ice.
2
Sarah, Ashton, and I were college classmates.
Ashton and I were roommates and pretty good friends. So, when he married my fiancée, it hit me hard.
I spent my days drowning my sorrows in bars. That’s when I ran into Sarah, and she brought light back into my life.
We went from dating to getting married quickly. It was Sarah who proposed.
She didn’t care about my baggage, or her family’s objections.
She even strained her relationship with her parents to be with me.
After we married, Sarah was always by my side, supporting me.
Our friends said I was the luckiest man alive to have her.
I thought so too.
But her heart was never mine.
“John, Ashton’s moving back. You’ll be kicked out soon.”
Sarah’s cousin gloated, showing me Ashton’s Instagram post.
We weren’t connected on social media. This was the first I’d seen of him in years.
Ashton posted a picture of a plane ticket arriving tomorrow, with the caption: “Still have someone I care about in LA. Gotta go back and see her.”
“See? Ashton still has feelings for my sister. There’s no room for you here.”
I ignored her, heading to the bedroom.
An hour later, the three of us were at a fancy steakhouse downtown.
“John, I found this new place. I wanted to try it out with you guys.”
Sarah ordered a table full of food.
I stared at the clam chowder, my appetite gone.
I hated shellfish, but ever since we got together, Sarah always ordered it. Even if neither of us ate it, she’d order it anyway.
I poked at my steak with my fork until a man’s voice interrupted my thoughts.
“Ms. Miller, you’re a day early! How’s the chowder?”
He glanced at me, then at our wedding rings.
“Ms. Miller, you said your husband loves clam chowder. I presume this gentleman is your lucky man?”
Sarah’s cousin blurted out, “No, the one who loves clam chowder isn’t him. It’s my sister’s ‘the one that got away’.”
The manager caught Sarah’s embarrassed look and quickly understood the situation.
“Excuse me, folks. Something came up in the kitchen. Enjoy your meal.”
He hurried off. Sarah avoided my gaze, clutching her water glass.
“Honey, don’t misunderstand. You know Ashton and I grew up together. He’s coming back tomorrow, and I’m just welcoming him back.”
I’d heard that excuse too many times.
Thinking of all the times I’d trusted her, I felt like a fool.
I took a bite of steak, chewing slowly.
“It’s just dinner. I don’t mind.”
3
Back home, Sarah locked herself in the basement.
While she was showering, I couldn’t resist my curiosity and slipped downstairs.
It was Sarah’s private space. After we got married, she’d asked me to respect her privacy and never go down there.
I’d always honored her request.
The basement looked like a normal study. Just as I was about to leave, I noticed a hidden door behind a screen.
I pushed it open. The sight inside stunned me.
It was an art studio. The paint on the canvas was still wet. It must have been what Sarah was working on earlier.
It was a portrait of Ashton. She’d captured every nuance of his smile, every flicker of emotion in his eyes.
The studio was filled with portraits and photos, all of Ashton.
It was clear the artist had poured her heart and soul into them.
A photo of the two of them sat on the table, its edges worn from being touched. On the back, she’d written: “You’re hidden in my heart, but you shine brightly in my world.”
I felt a sharp pain in my chest.
I don’t remember how I got back to our room.
After a while, I calmed down.
I opened a text to my boss.
“Mr. Davis, about that overseas training program, I’ll take it.”
He seemed surprised.
“You treat your wife like a queen. Why would you leave her to go abroad?”
I paused, then typed: “She never loved me.”
He didn’t pry, just told me the flight was in five days and to get my paperwork in order.
I opened my laptop and started typing up divorce papers.
Sarah, I don’t want to be entangled with you anymore.
4
The next morning, Sarah dressed up as if for a special occasion.
I checked Ashton’s Instagram on a burner account. He’d posted a picture of Sarah bundled up in a coat at the airport arrivals gate. The caption read: “She still loves me as much as ever. She’d do anything for me.”
I treasured her, but she never saw my love.
Ashton just flaunted her devotion.
I followed their day through his updates. They went to all the romantic spots, even riding the Ferris wheel.
I’d once snuck a peek at Sarah’s diary. She’d written: “Riding the Ferris wheel with the one I love would be the most unforgettable experience of my life.”
I’d bought Ferris wheel tickets countless times, but she’d always refused.
Their last stop was the steakhouse from the night before.
I parked across the street, watching Sarah serve Ashton soup, cut his steak, their faces glowing with happiness.
I felt like a clown, peeking in on someone else’s joy.
Tears fell onto my hand. I wiped my face, catching Ashton’s eye.
He saw me.
He ignored me, taking Sarah’s hand and kissing it, a smirk on his face.
I gripped the steering wheel and drove away.
Half an hour later, Sarah and Ashton arrived at our house.
I frowned at his presence.
“John, Ashton’s parents are gone, and his house is empty. Let him stay with us.”
Before I could respond, Sarah cleared our things out of the master bedroom and settled Ashton in.
“Sarah, that’s our room. How can you…?”
“Ashton’s my childhood friend, and a guest. He deserves to be comfortable.”
She made his bed and unpacked his clothes while I glared at him from the couch.
He raised an eyebrow.
“John, aren’t you happy to see your old buddy?”
“You were outside the restaurant today, weren’t you? Don’t take it personally. The hand kiss was just politeness. We used to share a bed as kids, after all.”
His eyes mocked me.
I surged forward, but Ashton grabbed my arm and threw himself to the floor.
“John, we’re friends! Why are you doing this to me?”
Sarah rushed in.
She helped him up, demanding, “John, what happened?”
Before I could speak, Ashton cried out, “Sarah, John said I’m his curse. I ruined his marriage once, and now I’m here to drive a wedge between you two.”
“Sarah, maybe I should get a hotel. I don’t want to cause trouble.”
He turned to leave, then clutched his knee in pain.
Sarah frantically rolled up his pant leg.
“Oh my god, Ashton, it’s so red! That must hurt so much.”
I scoffed. Ashton deserved an Oscar. He’d fallen on his left knee, but he was clutching his right.
“John, that’s enough! I never knew you were so petty. Ashton’s not well. Why are you bullying him?”
He was her precious Ashton. The moment he reappeared, Sarah revolved around him.
I glanced at the blood seeping through my shirt sleeve and chuckled humorlessly.
“Ashton, I’m sorry. Sarah, take good care of him.”
I retreated to the guest room. Sarah was busy icing Ashton’s knee.
They looked like a loving couple.
I lay on the bed, facing away from the door. At some point, Sarah slipped in and hugged me from behind.
“John, I’m sorry. I lost control of my emotions today. Don’t be mad.”
“It’s just…I haven’t seen Ashton in so long, I got carried away.”
I mumbled, “It’s okay,” my voice cold.
“You two are childhood sweethearts. It’s natural to care about him.”
She hugged me tighter, oblivious to my tone.
“Sarah, would you leave here with me? We could move to a different city.”
She looked up, surprised.
“Why would we move? Isn’t it good here?”
I shook my head.
“Just asking.”
In the basement studio, I’d seen a note in Sarah’s handwriting: “I’ll always stay here. He’ll always have a home to come back to.”
Sarah, it’s time for me to leave.
5
The next morning, Sarah slipped out of the guest room.
I opened my eyes, watching her go.
An hour later, she and Ashton drove off together.
I went to work to hand over my projects and apply for a passport.
That afternoon, I saw Sarah’s car outside a jewelry store. I went inside.
Sarah and Ashton were holding hands, trying on rings.
“Sarah, that ring on your finger is old. Let’s get a new pair, okay?”
Sarah blushed, nestled against him, and nodded.
“Ms. Miller, you’re so lucky to have such a handsome, successful, and caring husband.”
Sarah gazed at Ashton, her eyes full of love.
Our wedding rings lay discarded on the counter.
The ring on my finger suddenly felt heavy and unwelcome.
Sarah didn’t come home until 10 pm.
I sat at the dining table, staring at the cold food.
“John, I’m sorry. Ashton and I were having so much fun, I forgot to tell you not to wait for dinner.”
She reached out to touch my face, but I pulled away. Her new ring sparkled, but it felt cold.
“It’s okay. I’m going to shower.”
Perhaps she noticed my mood. After turning off the lights, Sarah came to bed wearing a silk nightgown.
“John, are you jealous? I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have spent all my attention on Ashton.”
“Let me make it up to you, okay?”
She leaned in to kiss me, but I stopped her.
She looked surprised. Normally, I wouldn’t have resisted.
“Sarah, I had a long day at work. I’m tired. Let me rest, okay?”
She nodded, seemingly accepting my excuse.
She poured me a glass of milk.
“John, I’ll sleep in the guest room tonight so I don’t disturb you.”
The milk must have disagreed with me. At 2 am, I woke up parched.
I’d finished the water in my room, so I went to the kitchen.
Passing the master bedroom, I heard voices.
“Sarah, I haven’t stopped thinking about you all these years.”
“If it wasn’t for our families, our kids would be in elementary school by now.”
Through the crack in the door, I saw Sarah in Ashton’s arms, pouring out their hearts about the years they’d lost.
“Ashton, my love for you hasn’t changed either.”
They embraced, their bodies merging.
I went back to my room and signed the divorce papers.
Sarah didn’t return to the guest room. In the morning, she emerged from Ashton’s room, looking exhausted.
“John, you’re up? I just woke Ashton up. I was about to come get you.”
I noticed the red marks on her neck. She quickly pulled up her collar.
“Yeah, I have a lot to do today.”
Sarah went to the kitchen. I took the divorce papers to Ashton.
He smirked, deliberately exposing a lipstick mark on his chest.
“John, what are you doing here? To torture yourself?”
“Sarah only loves me. Even if you know, I’m not afraid.”
He lit a cigarette, blowing smoke in my face.
“Ashton, I’m divorcing Sarah.”
I handed him the papers. He stared at me, incredulous.
“You enjoy Sarah’s love, don’t you? If we divorce, she’ll be all yours.”
“Get her to sign. I’ll disappear from your lives.”
We made a deal. I started packing.
To my surprise, after breakfast, Sarah signed the papers without hesitation.
“Here, John. Take your divorce papers and get out. Let’s see if this is another one of your games, or if you’re serious.”
As planned, Sarah took Ashton sightseeing.
I boarded my flight.
