All my love was in vain

Chapter 1

My third year with Shawn, I took a knife for him during a robbery.

It left a nasty scar on my stomach, making it hard for me to get pregnant naturally.

But every time we were intimate, he’d kiss the scar, saying, “Willow, this is the red thread of fate that Yue Lao spun for us.”

After we got married, I went through IVF, but then I overheard him talking to his friends.

“Every time I get intimate with her, I have to close my eyes. I’m afraid I’ll throw up.”

My heart shattered. He was kissing his new girlfriend’s belly, so devoted.

The love was real, but so was the disgust.

I found out I was pregnant, ready to share the good news with Shawn.

But outside his office, I heard someone call his name.

“Shawn, man, you’re a legend! Flags waving everywhere!”

“That girl, Tiffany, she’s something else.”

My breath hitched. Tiffany, Tiffany Summer. That name was familiar.

Years ago, to save Shawn, I took a knife in the gut during a robbery.

I was rushed to the ER, and Tiffany, a new nurse, was assigned to me.

She kept messing up my medication.

The bandages ripped off my still-healing wound, causing it to fester and leave a permanent scar.

I tried to complain, but Shawn held my hand.

“She’s new, we should give her a chance.”

“Willow, you’re fine. Nothing serious happened.”

“The most important thing is to take care of yourself.”

In the office, Shawn sighed, sounding troubled.

“It’s tough dealing with two women.”

His friends chuckled.

“Shawn, 姜晚黎 (Jiang Wanli) is nice and all, but that scar…man, every time I’m with her, I gotta close my eyes.”

“Tiffany is…passionate. She’s high-maintenance, I’m practically working myself to death.”

“I’m hoping Jiang Wanli gets pregnant soon. Then I can avoid her for ten months!”

More laughter. I felt numb.

I thought my baby was a blessing, but reality slapped me hard.

That knife wound, right below my belly button…the doctors weren’t sure if I’d ever conceive.

I went to countless doctors, tried acupuncture, herbs, three rounds of IVF.

The needles, the constant nausea… it was humiliating.

But it was nothing compared to the pain tearing me apart now.

I’d often have nightmares about the knife, waking up screaming.

Shawn would always hold me, comforting me.

“Don’t be afraid, I’ll always protect you.”

The biggest nightmare was the illusion of love he’d woven for me.

Now I’m awake.

Shawn didn’t love me, and he didn’t love the baby.

Shawn said, “Once the baby is born, I’ll find an excuse to sleep in a separate room.”

“She’ll be too tired to do anything. Maybe she’ll even feel guilty!”

Chapter 2

I sat in the car, sobbing uncontrollably.

I remembered young Shawn.

Reunited after years apart, I believed we were destined to be together.

One night, while walking home after a late shift, we were robbed.

The robbers ignored our wallets and lunged at Shawn with knives.

In a split second, I shielded him.

As I lost consciousness, I heard Shawn crying, “Willow, don’t sleep! Wake up, Willow!”

“As long as you open your eyes, we’ll get married, and we’ll never part.”

I’d asked him about the scar.

He kissed it tenderly, his eyes full of love.

“Willow, it’s a mark of our love, the red thread of fate.”

It felt like fireworks exploding in my mind.

I impulsively said yes to his proposal.

After the wedding, he was attentive and loving.

He took me wedding dress shopping, even helped pick the venue.

I thought I was the luckiest girl.

Then reality struck.

Shawn walked out of the office.

He looked handsome, but then I hesitated. Which Shawn was real?

A white figure, like a butterfly, fluttered to him, clinging to his neck.

While Shawn held her, she kissed him.

Shawn patted her back, then pulled out his phone.

My phone buzzed – a message from him.

“Working late, honey. Lock up and go to bed. Don’t wait for me.”

Hand in hand, they disappeared around the corner.

The tightness in my chest was crushing.

This wasn’t the first time I suspected something between Shawn and Tiffany.

When I was hospitalized, Shawn always went to the nurse’s station, asking about my condition.

I joked, “You’re driving the nurses crazy!”

He squeezed my hand. “I only care about my wife.”

He did care.

He even asked me before adding Tiffany on WeChat.

“That way, she can guide me on how to take care of your wound.”

I’d doubted them, checked his phone, but found nothing.

I felt guilty for doubting a good nurse.

Tiffany’s scent of gardenias lingered in the air, the same scent I smelled on Shawn.

I followed them to the wedding venue. Tiffany was trying on my dress, looking ecstatic.

It was a surprise from Shawn.

My teeth ached, my nails dug into my palms.

A dark flower bloomed in my chest, mirroring the path to the underworld.

He’d pretended to care about our wedding, shopping for the dress, just to surprise another woman.

I put my hand on my belly.

“I’ll use this life to bless them.”

Chapter 3

I returned home, to our tiny apartment, a cage Shawn built for me.

I wanted a bigger place, but he said he wanted to save for the wedding.

The wedding was happening, but the bride wasn’t me.

I burned the pregnancy test, watching the paper turn to ash.

The remaining fragments of my feelings vanished with it.

I closed my eyes, holding back my tears.

My phone rang. It was Shawn.

“Willow, I’m at the wedding planner’s. Can you send me the makeup artist’s number? I need to discuss some details.”

“Willow, Willow, can you hear me?”

“Hello…honey…”

“Ugh, can’t even answer a phone call. That scar has reached your brain!”

The call ended.

Our makeup artist was my childhood friend, she’d designed a custom look for me.

Shawn had criticized it, they’d argued.

He cared about his bride’s appearance…just not mine.

The next morning, Shawn came home.

He hugged me, the gardenia scent overwhelming.

I recoiled, rushing to the bathroom to vomit.

“What’s wrong, honey? Are you pregnant?”

He patted my back, a gleam of triumph in his eyes.

“What? You really want a kid? I wanted to enjoy our time alone for a few more years.”

A flash of disgust in his eyes. He put his arms around me,

“I didn’t want you to go through all that medication and needles. Now that you’re pregnant, you won’t have to suffer.”

I didn’t know which suffering he meant—mine or his own discomfort.

“I’ve decided. No more medicine. The doctor’s right, it’s all about fate.”

“Let’s enjoy our life first, then think about having a baby later.”

He froze, forcing a smile.

“Okay, okay.”

“Uh, honey, I gotta get back to work. I just wanted to check on you.”

He fled, not noticing the tracker I’d slipped into his pocket.

It led to the apartment across from us.

Through binoculars, I saw Tiffany getting her makeup done, facing our window.

Shawn let himself in, pushing Tiffany onto the sofa roughly. She protested, but he ignored her, ripping off her clothes and kissing her belly devoutly.

It was like a thunderclap. My blood froze.

The same sofa, the same spot, the same action.

He used to kiss my scar in that exact same spot.

I thought it meant he accepted my scar. It was just a habit.

My fingers bled, but I felt nothing.

Tears blurred my vision.

They finished, and Shawn took Tiffany to the bathroom.

Chapter 4

I found Dr. Wang, my gynecologist.

She was a renowned expert. Everyone said I couldn’t have children except her.

She nearly dropped her cup when I said I wanted an abortion.

“An abortion? Are you sure? You know how hard it was to get pregnant, why would you do this?”

I begged, “Please, Dr. Wang.”

She sighed, understanding. She didn’t try to stop me.

“Dr. Wang, I want to keep the baby and give it a proper burial.”

“It’s my child.”

She was teary-eyed.

As we discussed the procedure, the door opened. Shawn and Tiffany.

Our eyes met, and Shawn quickly released Tiffany.

I pretended not to see them, smiling.

“Honey, what are you doing here? Did you come to see me?”

“Uh…yes…” Shawn looked at Tiffany, stammering,

“I came home, and you weren’t there, so I figured you were here…”

“And I just bumped into Tiffany. It’s fate!”

He glanced at me nervously.

I thanked Dr. Wang and left. I was disgusted by his presence.

Shawn caught up with me at the elevator.

“Willow, you seem off today.”

I looked at him steadily.

“You know why.”

He trembled, his eyes darting around.

“Willow, let me explain…”

“Our wedding is in a few days. I’ve prepared a gift for you. I hope you like it.”

“Why are you shaking? Cold?”

I adjusted his collar, taking the tracker.

“It’s windy near the elevator. Willow, dress warmly when you come to the hospital.”

“Rest at home.”

Watching his panic, a sense of satisfaction washed over me. I wonder what his reaction will be when he receives my gift.

Tiffany’s birthday was in three days, a romantic getaway planned. The perfect time for my procedure.

The bright lights of the operating room were blinding.

I felt the anesthetic needle, a bitter taste in my mouth.

“My child, I’m sorry I couldn’t give you a family.”

Touching the scar, I closed my eyes.

Nurses whispered,

“A test-tube baby.”

“What a shame.”

“Her husband cheated. Poor thing.”

Dr. Wang’s voice,

“Preserve the fetus. Return it to the patient.”

Something tore, something left me.

My baby, the child I longed for, conceived through countless needles and pills, was slipping away.