Deep Love Hard to Continue

Chapter 1

On my way to a prenatal check-up, I got into a freakin’ car accident.

But Mark wanted to be with his soulmate on her birthday.

He didn’t answer my call, and he didn’t show up at the hospital.

When I woke up, he was all over me, apologizing. “Oh, baby, I am so sorry, Lily. I was in a meeting all day, I swear! I’ll make it up to you and the baby, I promise.”

Tears welled up as I looked at him. “Oh, really? How about a beach house for after the baby is born?”

Without even hesitating, Mark signed the contract.

What he didn’t know was that our baby was already gone, because of the wreck.

And the contract he was so quick to sign?

A goddamn divorce agreement.

1.

“Are you sure about this, Lily?”

My bestie, Sarah, handed me the divorce papers.

I’d just had a D&C.

My body was screaming in pain.

But the ache in my heart.

Was definitely worse.

“I’m sure.”

When Mark blew off my prenatal appointment to go party with his old girlfriend, I knew I had to do something.

When I was lying there bleeding after the crash, calling him over and over, and all I got was his girlfriend saying he was in the shower.

I knew I was done.

“But…”

Sarah was about to say something else.

Then a frantic voice busted in from the doorway.

“How’s my wife?”

Mark barged in.

He rushed to my side, grabbing my hand, looking me up and down with this concerned look on his face.

“Lily, are you okay? What happened?”

Then he turned to Sarah.

“Sarah, what’s the deal? Is she badly hurt?”

Sarah’s an OB/GYN at this hospital.

She was in surgery when I was brought in.

Seeing the mess I was in, she’d tried calling Mark like fifty times, but all she got was that he was in the shower.

Otherwise, she wouldn’t have printed out those divorce papers for me.

“Lily hit her head pretty hard, lost a lot of blood, some scrapes on her legs, but thankfully…”

Sarah glanced at me. “…the baby’s fine.”

Mark sighed with relief.

He pulled me into a hug, all tender and worried.

“I’m so sorry, Lily. I was stuck in a meeting, had my phone on silent, that’s why I didn’t answer.”

Sarah rolled her eyes and left the room.

And me?

I just had to swallow the sadness and the pain and play along.

“Honey, I know you’ve been super busy lately, but I had my appointment today.”

“I know, and I screwed up. I’m sorry… I’ll make it up to you.”

He kissed the top of my head.

“What do you want? Anything you want, I’ll get it.”

“I’ve already thought about it.”

I handed him the papers I’d prepped.

Tears in my eyes, I said, “I want a beach house. You know, for after the baby’s born.”

“That’s it?”

Mark laughed, agreeing without even thinking.

I gently stopped him from flipping through the pages.

I opened the signature page for him.

He grabbed the pen.

Then, boom! Signed his name without a second thought.

I felt a little relief as I stashed the papers away.

He patted my head.

“Anything else? Just name it, it’s yours.”

I shook my head, smiling weakly.

I didn’t want him, so I definitely didn’t need anything else.

Up until recently, Mark had always been great to me.

Especially after I got pregnant.

He’d been so thoughtful, so attentive.

He’d treated me like he wanted to protect me.

But ever since his ex-girlfriend, Ashley, came back into the picture a month ago.

Mark had quietly changed.

He loves me, but still loves the woman he supports in the other house he owns.

The time he spent with me was gradually replaced by “work.”

He even completely forgot about my appointment.

“Let me hear the baby. I wonder if he was scared by the accident.”

Mark checked my injuries.

Then he leaned down and pressed his cheek against my stomach.

“Hey, little guy, you and Mom need to be okay, no accidents, okay?”

My nose started to burn.

A month ago, I probably would’ve cried with happiness.

But today, it just made me want to cry from how sad it was.

The feeling of being lied to.

It’s too hard.

“Honey, do you really want this baby?”

“Of course.”

Mark kissed my stomach.

“He’s our baby, who else would I love?”

But the baby was already gone.

I don’t even know if Mark will be upset.

It was the weekend, but Mark claimed he had to work and left early.

I drove myself to the hospital for my appointment.

While waiting for the light to turn green, a semi-truck t-boned me. The car flipped, and I was pinned on the ground, doubled over in pain.

The doctors said I was brought in too late.

I thought to myself:

If Mark had been there to take me, I might have avoided that car crash.

Even if I didn’t.

I wouldn’t have lost the baby.

“Lily, what’s wrong? Why would you ask that?”

Mark looked at me.

His eyes, always so open and honest.

Were filled with lies.

As I struggled to answer, his phone buzzed in his pocket.

I caught a glimpse of the familiar number.

For the last month.

That number had been popping up on Mark’s phone at all hours.

Mark’s eyes flickered nervously.

Then he turned to me, all soft and sweet. “Honey, I gotta take this call. You just rest, okay?”

“Okay.”

I nodded, trying to act normal.

Mark took the call and stepped out of the room.

Before the door closed, I heard him lower his voice.

“Don’t call me here. Lily’s hurt and in the hospital.”

“I don’t care! You hurt me last night too!”

His ex whined into the phone.

Five minutes later.

Mark came back, holding my hand, all apologetic. “Honey, something came up at work. I gotta go deal with it. I’ll be back in an hour, okay?”

I blankly said, “Okay.”

After Mark left.

I called Sarah back in.

And handed her the signed divorce papers.

“I signed. Can you give these to the lawyer, handle everything?”

Sarah glanced at the papers.

Then she scoffed.

“Lily, you’re just gonna let him get away with this? That’s too easy on him!”

I gave a sad smile.

“What else can I do? Fight over him with his ex?”

Mark and I had been together for two years while dating.

And three years married.

Love and a baby.

Were still not enough.

What’s the point of fighting for a man like that?

He said he’d be back in an hour.

But he never showed.

I spent the night alone in the hospital.

The next day, I felt a little better and decided to leave.

Mark rushed around, taking care of the discharge stuff for me.

He was still acting like he was gonna drop me if he didn’t hold me carefully.

Mark walked me to the car.

I was about to get in, but I saw his ex sitting in what was supposed to be my seat.

She was wearing a white power suit, with her chestnut hair in big curls.

Just expensive and perfect from head to toe.

“Hi, Mrs. Johnson.”

She smiled sweetly.

But there was something in her eyes that was definitely taunting me.

I looked at Mark.

So, he spent the night with her, and picking me up was just a convenient stop along the way.

“Lily’s on leave, so Ashley’s filling in for her. After we take you home, we’re gonna head straight to the office.”

Not bad, I thought.

I nodded, trying to understand.

“Ashley’s family, it feels better than using an outsider.”

“It makes you happy, it makes me happy.”

Mark looked relieved.

I went to the backseat and pulled the door open.

As soon as the car started moving.

Ashley started trying to make me feel comfortable by listing all the things I’d done in high school.

Then things took a turn for the worse.

Ashley smiled and said, “Mark and I, on the other hand, would sneak out of class and hang out somewhere else. A couple of times we got caught, and our parents were called.”

“Mark, do you remember what the vice principal said to us?”

“I don’t remember.”

Mark’s voice was gentle, full of the fondest memories.

“He got so mad that he hit us and then said, ‘You two are a match made in heaven!’ It surprised even him.”

Ashley started laughing.

And Mark joined in.

“I remember now.”

Ashley finished laughing, turned back to me, and asked,

“Mrs. Johnson, what kind of girl do you think Mark likes?”

I shook my head.

“I don’t know.”

“He likes women who are like older sisters.

He doesn’t like the innocent type. That’s why I was so shocked when he married the cutest girl in the school.”

“Oh, really?”

Ashley’s every word reminded me of how close she and Mark used to be.

She was trying to get to me.

But I didn’t react at all.

She kind of stopped laughing and pulled a box out of her purse.

“Mrs. Johnson, are you hungry? Mark drove to the bakery and bought this.”

I pressed my hands tight.

Then I lightly shook my head.

“I’m not hungry, thanks.”

“Oh, my God, Mark! You remembered that I love mango shortbread!”

Ashley bit into one of the cookies.

“This is so good! It tastes exactly like I remember!”

She ignored me, feeding the other half to Mark.

“Mark, do you want a bite?”

Mark swerved.

Then he glanced in the mirror, noticing that I was looking at him.

I was still calm.

As if I were too stupid to understand what was happening.

Mark gave a lame excuse.

“Lily, don’t get the wrong idea. We were always like this back in school.”

“I agree. Mrs. Johnson, please don’t misunderstand,” Ashley said.

Mark was afraid I would get upset, and added,

“Lily, I was going to get you matcha cookies, but they were sold out, so I just got a box of mango cookies.”

“I understand.”

The truth is, he didn’t have to say anything.

I can let him and Ashley be together.

But I know he won’t get divorced.

Ashley rejected Mark in the past. That’s when I saved him when he was almost attacked.

I was also the one who was with him when he climbed to success.

In order to marry him, I even argued with my family.

On our wedding day, he swore to God.

He would never marry any woman but me.

Otherwise, he would be struck by lightning and die.

I freaked out.

And grabbed his hand.

“Honey, don’t say that. You can marry someone else, but I don’t want you to die.”

Yes.

That’s all I wanted from him.

But he changed.

The car stopped in front of the beach house.

Ashley asked me, “Mrs. Johnson, you’re pregnant, right? You probably aren’t planning on going to the office?”

I gave a soft “yeah.”

Her lips curled.

“Don’t worry, Mrs. Johnson, I’ll help you at work and keep an eye on Mark.”

“Thanks.”

“Lily, it’s windy, go back inside.”

Mark spoke gently.

But when the car turned around and drove away.

I saw him taking a cookie from Ashley.

Thankfully.

I’m not upset at all.

Letting go of a relationship isn’t hard.

You just need to be dating someone who is the bad guy.

I went back to the house.

Then I started to pack.

I wasn’t bringing that much.

But the baby’s room was filled with presents.

I packed them up and sent them to the nearest children’s hospital.

It was already night.

Mark called and said he was at a meeting and asked me to take care of myself.

I told him that work came first.

Mark came back two days later.

I was sitting on the porch, trying to move on.

The sun was warm and reflected on the jade bracelet in my magazine.

Mark hugged me, kissing my ear, and said, “Do you like it? I’ll buy it for you.”

“Yeah.”

It’s the same kind of bracelet my grandmother had.

My grandmother gave me two things.

A jade bracelet and a jade vase.

The bracelet was broken when I saved Mark.

“Okay, I’ll buy it for you in a few days.”

“I feel like it’s expensive.”

“If you like it, nothing is too expensive.”

Mark squatted down and put his head on my stomach.

“Honey, how is the baby doing?”

He looked happy.

He wasn’t acting.

But I gave a stiff smile.

“He’s fine.”

“I can’t hear his heartbeat. I could hear it a few days ago.”

“Maybe he’s sleeping.”

Mark closed his eyes, and said, “Lily, I’m a little sleepy. Let me sleep with the baby.”

After spending two days with Ashley.

He had to be tired.

To make the divorce go faster.

I gently held him and played the part of the loving wife.

Maybe he felt bad.

In the future weeks.

Mark came home on time to eat dinner with me, talk, and watch movies.

Except for when he would go to the bathroom to take calls.

I thought Mark had fought with Ashley.

One afternoon a few days later.

Ashley called me.

She told me, as Mark’s secretary, to go to his office.

And that he would be finished with a meeting, and we would go to an auction.

For Ashley to call me, it was obvious it was a trap.

But I still went.

I’d worked with Mark as he started his business.

I only stopped working when I got pregnant.

I knew the office.

And no one stopped me.

I took the elevator to Mark’s office.

Then one of the secretaries politely said, “Mrs. Johnson, Ashley told me to tell you to go to the office.”

How ironic.

It was now Ashley who decided where I went in the company.

While the secretary felt sorry for me.

I nodded and went to Mark’s office.

As I was about to knock on the door.

I heard a woman. “Mark, why are you so good to me? Are you worried about Lily?”

“She won’t be worried. She is usually understanding.”

“But you’re always with me and want me to work near you. Won’t she notice?”

“That’s why I don’t want her to see you.”

Mark’s voice was gentle.

“Don’t move, I’m afraid I’ll hurt you…”

I understood everything.

Mark never wanted me to go to the auction.

And Ashley just wanted me to catch them together.

I did what she wanted.

I opened the door.

I saw Ashley and Mark together.

“Mrs. Johnson, you’re here.”

Ashley laughed, fixed her shirt, and went back to work.

Mark then turned around.

Then he touched my hair.

“Lily, what’s going on?”

I looked at Ashley and then the lipstick stains on Mark’s shirt.

I got sick.

Mark wanted me to misunderstand and said,

“Ashley hurt her hand. I was helping her.”

I didn’t say anything.

I wanted to know:

“Honey, you said you would take me to the auction.”

Mark was surprised.

And laughed awkwardly.

“Someone already bought the bracelet. We can pick something else, okay?”

Just when I was ready to give up.

Ashley showed her jade bracelet.

It was the bracelet that I wanted.

Mark had bought it in advance.

Ashley had won.

I laughed.

“That’s okay. I don’t need a bracelet.”

Mark felt bad and said, “I can take you to the store. As long as you want it, I’ll buy it.”

“Mark, do you know why I wanted that bracelet?”

“Why?”

“It’s the same as the bracelet my grandmother gave me for adulthood.

But it was broken when I saved you.”

Mark looked sad.

These days.

I was tired of his fake sorrow.

“It’s okay.

You should get back to work, I’m going back.”

Mark grabbed my hands.

“I’ll take you.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

I left the office.

Then I took the elevator to the garage.

Ashley was waiting for me.

She obviously wanted to fight me.

She said, “Why don’t you stick around?”

“Are you trying to fight me?”

I stood straight in front of her and watched her face change.

She said the words that mistresses always use:

“If he doesn’t love you, you’re the one who’s in the way.

Lily, isn’t it obvious that you should give up?”

She was talking about how Mark was now with her. She was always showing me and having me see them together.

That’s right.

I was done.

But not until I got the divorce papers.

“Ashley, you’re not worth my time. I want you to leave me alone.”

I walked around her.

“Lily, you…”

Ashley suddenly screamed.

I turned around.

Then a few men showed up and grabbed her.

One of the men hit her and said, “You’re a bad girl.

You’re not going to steal our sister’s man.”

Ashley fell on the floor.

The bracelet broke.

One of the men kicked her and said, “Don’t you try to steal another woman’s man.

I was shocked.

Then I tried to help her.

One of the men pulled me back and said, “Don’t worry.

We’re not going to kill her.”

“Stop!”

Ashley started to beg.

“Mrs. Johnson, please, don’t do this. I didn’t try to seduce Mark.”

She started crying.

I didn’t know what to do.

Who were these people?

Did Sarah send them?

It didn’t make sense.

What was going on?

Mark showed up.

Ashley was still begging me.

“Ashley!”

Mark pushed me.

Then he helped her up.

The men saw Mark and said to Ashley, “If you steal our sister’s man, we’ll be back.”

Ashley cried and said, “Mark, I should have gone to work for Johnson. I’m sorry.”

Then she handed me the broken bracelet, while crying