Faint Light

Chapter 1

I was three months pregnant when my husband, Alex, handed me a report with red eyes, telling me something was wrong with the baby.

I went to countless doctors, and the results were shockingly consistent.

In desperation, I agreed to the procedure, but before I went into the operating room, I overheard Alex and the doctor talking.

“Are you really this heartless? The baby’s already formed at three months, it’s your own flesh and blood.”

“Sarah’s back. I swore I’d only have children with her. It would be cruel to her if I broke that promise. As for Lily… I’ll make it up to her later.”

“And how are you planning to handle Sarah?”

“Don’t worry, she won’t be mistreated.”

I clamped my hand over my mouth, stifling any sound.

Tears streamed down my face, one after another.

I’d almost thought I was the happiest woman alive.

It turned out I was just a self-deceived fool.

So, I chose to walk away from this absurdity.

I gasped for air, pushing myself up against the wall, trying to sneak back to the operating room.

But then I heard the doctor sigh, “As a friend, that’s all the advice I can give you. I hope you don’t regret this.”

“But finding someone to fake this report for you… don’t do it again! If she finds out the baby’s fine…”

Alex nodded. “Don’t worry, she won’t find out. I’ll have someone wire the money later.”

My breath hitched. A chill ran down my spine.

What did that mean? My baby was fine?

Had Alex and everyone conspired to deceive me?

Just because of a past promise, he was going to have his own child killed?

My body trembled uncontrollably. The last shred of my sanity propelled me away from the operating room.

Only one thought filled my mind: I have to protect my baby.

I hadn’t taken two steps when I heard his familiar voice behind me, soft and gentle. “Lily, what are you doing? The surgery’s about to begin.”

My heart leaped into my throat.

Suppressing my tremor, I turned and forced a smile. “I… I’m not feeling well today. Maybe we should reschedule?”

Alex quickly approached, instinctively reaching out to touch my forehead.

“No fever. What’s wrong?”

Looking at his sincere concern, I unexpectedly started to cry.

Maybe he did love me?

“Lily, be good. This doctor is internationally renowned, and it’s hard to get an appointment with him. Don’t worry, I’ll be right outside with you. Everything will be alright!”

My tears stopped. My heart felt like it was being pierced by a thousand shards of glass.

If I hadn’t heard those words, I wouldn’t have believed it.

How could someone be so good at deception?

While harboring a deep love for someone else, he could still be so caring and attentive to me?

Regardless, I’d saved my baby, for now.

Once I left the hospital, I could…

I woke up in the hospital bed, Alex by my side, eyes red-rimmed.

A strong sense of foreboding washed over me.

I tried to sit up, but a sharp pain shot through my lower body.

“Lily, you just had surgery, don’t move around. What do you need? I’ll get it for you.”

The world seemed to fade away. My ears rang.

Despite my efforts, I couldn’t stop my body from shaking violently.

Alex looked flustered. “Lily, what’s wrong? Are you in pain? I’ll call the doctor…”

“Why?” I hissed, biting my lip until it bled.

Alex stiffened for a moment, then composed himself.

“Lily, I know you don’t want to lose the baby. It’s my child too, and I’m heartbroken.”

“So you’re so heartbroken that you drugged me and had it aborted?”

I was distraught, but Alex remained calm and soothing.

“It was just a sleeping pill, Lily. It won’t harm you. I would never hurt you.”

“Lily, you need to understand that this is for the best… Don’t get upset. You’re bleeding, let me change your diaper!”

Alex rummaged through a bag and pulled out a new diaper. “I got these for you. I hope they’re comfortable. If not, we’ll get you something else.”

“Let me help you…”

Alex pulled down my pants, and a wave of warm, foul-smelling blood hit me.

But he seemed oblivious, carefully peeling off the diaper soaked with dark red blood.

In the past, I would have been incredibly touched, incredibly grateful.

A woman like me, to have found such a handsome, wealthy, loving man.

But now, I only felt shame, pain, and devastation.

All the happiness I’d experienced…

Was just a meager byproduct of his love and protection for another woman.

A hurried ringtone shattered the silence.

Alex hesitated to answer, but when he saw the caller ID, he mumbled an apology.

“It’s an urgent call from the office.”

He dropped my legs, moved away, and lowered his voice to take the call.

But I still heard a coquettish voice: “Alex, I’m lost. I’m so scared.”

Then, Alex said anxiously,

“Lily, there’s a problem at the office. I need to go. You…”

He saw my predicament.

My pants were down to my knees, my lower body exposed, blood beading on my thighs.

The clean diaper was only half on, the other half lay black and crumpled beside me.

He hesitated only for a moment before saying, “Just hang in there. I’ll be right back.”

Then the door slammed shut.

Suddenly, a line I’d read flashed through my mind:

Someone who loves you will notice even a slight cough. Someone who doesn’t love you won’t care if you hang yourself.

I laughed. Apparently, when you’re in excruciating pain, you can’t even cry.

I don’t know how long I slept until a nurse came in with medication.

Seeing the blood-soaked sheets, she sighed, changing my diaper with a muttered complaint.

“What kind of hopeless romantic are you? This guy is such a jerk, and you’re still willing to get your tubes tied?”

I froze, grabbing her hand. “Tubes tied?”

“Didn’t you know? You had the baby aborted and then got your tubes tied. Everyone on the ward says they’ve never seen anyone so stupid…”

The nurse continued to chatter, but I couldn’t process anything she said.

He’d killed my child and now he was taking away my ability to ever be a mother.

His love for Sarah was concrete.

Concrete enough to render me speechless. But I was not the one being loved.

And he had a million ways to show his love.

Why did he choose to hurt me?

Because I loved him? Was I deserving of this?

As consciousness faded, I heard the doctor say into the phone after checking me.

“Don’t worry, the surgery was a success. She’ll never have children again.”

…

Alex told me to wait, and I waited for a week.

Standing at the hospital entrance, I felt utterly numb under the harsh sunlight.

When I got home, sunlight flooded the apartment.

The crystal chandelier, the peonies in the corner, the thick beige carpet.

The books on the floor, rustling in the breeze from the open window.

Every detail that once brought me comfort now felt like a knife.

My heart ached.

Since none of this belonged to me, I would return it all.

I went straight to the bedroom, opened the closet, and threw all my clothes onto the bed.

A “clunk,” and an unfamiliar phone fell to the floor.

I tried several passwords, unsuccessfully. Then I remembered a sequence of numbers.

Once, at the grocery store, I saw him use it.

I had thought it strange then—why would someone use the same password for their payment and their front door?

But I later realized he used those numbers for everything that needed a password.

I once asked him the meaning behind it. He laughed and said he had a bad memory and was used to it.

The screen showed “Password Unlocked.”

The phone had no apps, only a photo album.

Curiosity piqued, I clicked it open, finding an album labeled “SX.”

Most of the pictures were screenshots from various platforms, all of the same woman: Sarah.

I scrolled through them, matching the screenshots to specific dates and times.

The night I found out I was pregnant, at midnight, lying in his arms, happily posting on social media, he was saving a picture of her.

Our anniversary, after he put the ring on my finger, he saved a picture of her.

Valentine’s Day, after our intimate time together, while he was showering, he saved a picture of her.

For five years of marriage, for every special moment involving me, he meticulously saved a picture of her afterwards.

As if that could represent his devotion to her.

I knew he had a woman like that, but when he mentioned it, it was too casual.

Now I realize, avoidance means care.

Numbly, I flipped through those smiling faces, always inserting themselves into our lives.

All my resentment, humiliation, anger, questions, simply dissipated.

In love, not loving is the original sin.

I called my boss. Was the manager position in M City filled?

If not, I wanted it.

Getting an affirmative response, I quickly booked a flight to M City for three days later.

Then, I had a friend help me find a lawyer to start divorce proceedings with Alex.

Exhausted, I collapsed onto the bed.

The phone rang urgently.

It was Alex. I hesitated before answering.

A cacophony of sounds came through, followed by a frantic female voice.

“Is this Lily? Alex is drunk and in trouble. Please come quickly!”

My heart sank. “What happened to him?”

“I can’t explain it over the phone. I’ll give you an address. Come quickly, otherwise… beep beep beep.”

The call ended. My mind went blank.

That voice, if I’m not mistaken, was Sarah.

Reason told me to not to care, that after deciding to leave, there should be no hesitation.

Besides, the woman he loved most was by his side. What was the point of my going?

But my mind kept imagining, what if something really did happen to him?

What if because I didn’t go, something serious happened, and I regretted it?

Before I knew it, I was dressed and standing by the door.

Fine, I’ll do it, at least in return for all the genuine kindness he showed me over the years…

But I never imagined this would be my biggest regret.

I followed the address to a private club.

A courtyard-style building with an open-air pool in the center.

I was wondering what could possibly happen here when I heard voices from inside.

“Alex, didn’t you say your wife loves you madly? It’s been so long, and she hasn’t come. Maybe she doesn’t love you so much after all?”

“Yeah, you had her baby aborted, and then you called someone to pick you up. If it were me, I’d want you dead!”

“Oh, whatever. If she doesn’t come, she loses. Come on Sarah, let’s just have a kiss and get it over with, don’t let Alex do your dare.”

“Don’t worry. Even if I wanted her life, she’d willingly give it to me.”

The last voice was Alex’s.

The supposed emergency was a lie. I was just a bet to them.

Lily, you’re pathetic. He almost guessed right.

I clenched my fists, and turned to leave.

“Oh, is that your Lily, Alex? Why are you leaving already?” The woman’s voice rang out.

My scalp tingled. If that’s the case, then I’m not leaving.

And besides, the shameful thing isn’t me.

I used all my strength and walked towards that world that didn’t belong to me.

“Lily, I knew you wouldn’t abandon me.”

“Come sit here. They were playing truth or dare. My wife, you won’t be mad, right?”

Alex pulled me to sit beside him, whispering in my ear, “At home, whatever my wife wants, she gets.”

He even gave me a charming smile.

Looking at the face that once captivated me, I felt only disgust and nausea.

Sarah stood up and interrupted our interaction.

“Hello, Lily. Alex talks about you often. I’m Sarah, Alex’s old friend.”

Alex held my hand, but his eyes were on Sarah, with a tenderness I’d never seen.

Bitterness surged, but I showed nothing.

“Sorry, he’s never mentioned you.”

Sarah’s raised glass froze in midair.

“Lily, are you blaming me?”

The atmosphere turned awkward. The other two stopped smiling.

Alex squeezed my hand, noticing my impassiveness. He tried to smooth things over.

“What are you talking about? Lily’s still recovering, she can’t drink. Don’t overthink it.”

The others echoed his sentiments.

But Sarah persisted.

“Oh, really? Then how do you want me to get revenge for you?” I said, laughing softly.

Now Sarah was stunned.

She’d just wanted to show off her position in Alex’s heart.

The abortion was something she was happy about, why would she want to help me get revenge?

But my serious question slapped her in the face.

Sarah blushed, then her eyes welled up, her voice choked.