I can live without you

I woke up to the sound of rain drumming against my window. My dress was soaked, clinging to me like a second skin. One phone call, and Mark was gone, summoned away by Sarah’s distress.

She called me later, her voice small and apologetic, explaining how the rain had caught her unprepared. She’d been so embarrassed, she stammered, but thankfully, Dr. Mark had been nearby to help.

I stared at the phone, the words echoing in my ears. Mark, my boyfriend of over a decade, had rushed to Sarah’s rescue while I was left to fend for myself.

Right then and there, I decided we were done.

He was shocked when I told him, his voice thick with tears, asking how I could do this to him.

It’s simple, really. I’m strong. I can manage on my own.

A month later, I returned home from a successful business trip, exhausted but exhilarated. I skipped the celebratory dinner and booked the earliest flight back, eager to see Mark.

I texted him my flight details, but it wasn’t until I landed that I saw his message from an hour earlier.

“Babe, Sarah got caught in the downpour. Had to help her out. Be there ASAP. Booked a table at your fave restaurant. Love you!”

Followed by a cutesy emoji of a sad face, something he’d never used before.

A light rain was still falling as I stepped out of the terminal. I called Mark, but it went straight to voicemail.

He’s a doctor, so a missed call wasn’t unusual, but a knot of unease tightened in my stomach.

It took over an hour to get a cab. By the time I arrived home, my feet ached and my jacket, now damp from the rain, clung uncomfortably to my skin.

Mark’s face was a mixture of relief and panic when he saw me.

“Why didn’t you wait for me? You’ll catch a cold!”

His voice was as gentle as always as he reached for my suitcase.

I stepped back, my eyes meeting his. He looked hurt.

“Why did you change the curtains?”

The living room curtains were a sickly lime green, a color I would never choose.

“Uh… Mittens. She, uh, shredded them.”

My cat hissed at him from the hallway before disappearing into the bedroom.

Disappointment washed over me. It was like looking at a stranger. We’d grown up together, our relationship a natural progression of our childhood friendship. Now, after ten years, he was treating me like an idiot, not even bothering to craft a believable lie.

I walked towards the balcony, catching Mark’s increasingly nervous fidgeting in my peripheral vision. Then, with a sudden jerk, he pulled the curtains closed, revealing a girl wrapped in a towel.

She was wearing my slippers and my bathrobe.

“Ah!” she shrieked, crouching down and starting to sob dramatically.

Mark froze, his face a mask of awkwardness. “It’s not what it looks like, I swear. I’ll explain everything later, okay?”

We’d been together long enough for me to know his tells. This much confidence? They probably hadn’t crossed the line yet. But just as I knew him, he knew my boundaries. In relationships, I give complete trust, but the moment that trust is broken, I assume the worst.

“There’s no need, Mark. We’re done.”

I’d never spoken to him so coldly before.

He grabbed my hand, his eyes welling up. “No, please! It was pouring rain. Sarah’s clothes were soaked. She just needed a hot shower. I was going to pick you up as soon as she left…I didn’t realize how late it would get. She was just hiding because she didn’t want you to misunderstand…”

Misunderstand? Besides the curtains, there was a cutesy mug on the coffee table that wasn’t mine, and a sparkly hair clip in the entryway. It was so obvious. There was only one reason he hadn’t noticed: it was deliberate. Her provocation, his complicity.

In the short month I was gone, my home had been invaded. The familiarity of it now felt sickening.

Shivering, the damp chill seeping into my bones, I clenched my numb hands. “Ten years, Mark. Let’s at least have a clean break.”

His face paled. “Mandy, please believe me! We’ve been together for over a decade. We’re getting engaged next month. How can you just give up on us?”

He glanced at Sarah, still huddled on the floor, and pulled her roughly to her feet. “Tell her! Tell her nothing happened!”

He yanked her up so abruptly she yelped, the towel slipping precariously.

He didn’t seem to notice, his focus solely on getting her in front of me.

Despite her apparent distress, a flicker of triumph crossed her face.

Her voice, choked with fake sobs, dripped with insincerity. “I’m so sorry! I fell on the way here, and I was so soaked… I didn’t know what to do. Dr. Mark was so kind… I guess I rely on him too much. I didn’t mean to cause any trouble. I apologize.”

The smugness radiating from her was almost comical. I ignored her, watching as the smugness morphed into awkwardness under my unwavering gaze.

I raised my hand, hearing Mark’s panicked warning.

“Mandy, don’t! It’s my fault. I asked her to come here. Don’t be hard on her, okay? She’s just a kid.”

My hand froze, my heart sinking. “You’re protecting her, aren’t you? So carefully.”

“No, that’s not what I meant…” He started to backpedal.

I cut him off, yanking down the hideous green curtains and tossing them over Sarah. “You spent years studying medicine, and this is what you choose to do with your life?”

If I were younger, maybe I would have slapped her. But I was thirty-three. I knew better. Sarah was barely out of her teens, still naive. Mark, almost a decade older, was the one to blame.

Months ago, someone had hinted about a new intern at the hospital who’d been through a rough breakup and had attempted to drown herself in the lake near the hospital.

“Mark just happened to be there. Saved her life. But the way she looked at him… kinda creepy. Don’t worry, though. He avoids her like the plague.”

I’d even baked a cake for the entire department, a childish attempt to mark my territory. Sarah had taken a piece, shyly thanking me, her eyes glued to a textbook. She seemed so diligent, so harmless.

I’d heard Mark complaining about her incompetence, how he’d had to scold her for not knowing the answers during rounds. She’d apparently skipped lunch, poring over her books to catch up. I’d felt guilty, berating myself for my suspicions. How could I judge a young girl based on gossip? I’d even told Mark to be more patient, reminding him that she was so much younger than us.

I’d been so blind. His harshness, his reprimands, they were all a facade. Had they laughed at my naiveté? At my pleas for kindness?

The room spun. Nausea welled up in my throat. Clenching my jaw against the throbbing pain in my head, I managed one last sentence before collapsing onto the couch.

“Get out. Both of you. Get out!”

Before I blacked out, I heard Mark frantically calling my name.

“Mandy! Mandy!”

And faintly, Sarah’s whining.

“Mark, she’s so old! And her family’s not even rich like mine. What do you even see in her? She’s so strong, she doesn’t even need you! But I… I’ll die without you…”

Die? How ridiculous. Who would throw their life away for love?

I knew what it felt like to have life drain away, slowly and terrifyingly. I’d experienced it firsthand.

When I was fifteen, a flash flood had swept through our small town in the dead of night. My home, Mark’s home, and many others were destroyed.

I remember the icy water, the endless darkness, and Mark’s voice calling my name over and over.

He’d been terrified, having watched his grandmother and mother swept away by the current. His father later told me Mark had gone into shock, unable to speak, just sitting huddled in a corner until they pulled me, half-drowned, from the wreckage.

My father checked my pulse. “She’s alive. We can save her.”

Those words were like a jolt to Mark’s system. He scrambled to my side, his voice hoarse as he kept repeating my name until I finally opened my eyes.

The flood left him with a crippling fear of water, but it also solidified his desire to become a doctor.

He once asked me about my dreams. I didn’t have any, not really. “I don’t know…but I want to learn how to swim, so you’ll never be afraid again.”

He stared at me, tears streaming down his face.

We leaned on each other, growing up together, our hands finding each other naturally. For years afterward, he never used my full name.

He’d hold my hand gently, whispering in my ear.

“Mandy, thanks to you, I survived that nightmare.”

“Mandy, I love you so much. Will you be my girlfriend?”

“Mandy, you’re family. I can’t live without you.”

“Mandy, we’re getting engaged soon. I’m so happy.”

Until Sarah came along.

“Mandy, don’t be hard on her,” he’d warned, his voice sharp.

It was like a stranger speaking.

A wave of pain washed over me, shattering the illusion. I was lying in a hospital bed, the pungent smell of antiseptic filling the air. I stirred, and Mark, asleep in a chair beside me, jolted awake.

He leaned over, his eyes filled with concern, looking almost like the boy I’d grown up with.

Tears welled up as I stared at him.

Panic flashed across his face. He pressed his forehead to mine. “Mandy, does your head hurt? Are you feeling okay?”

I didn’t answer. Instead, I asked, “Do you ever regret saving me?”

His smile faltered. “My Mandy… how would I have survived all these years without you? Don’t worry, I threw away everything Sarah touched. No one else will ever set foot in our home again. It was just a coincidence, her being there. It’s all my fault. Please don’t be mad at me.”

Rain pattered against the window. My mind was a whirl of confusion.

Suddenly, Mark’s phone rang. He never silenced it, always on call. I heard him decline the call, but the ringing persisted. Finally, he answered, his voice strained and distant.

“Hello? What is it?”

There was a pause before a soft, hesitant voice came through the speaker. “Dr. Mark, they’re going to a karaoke bar. I don’t want to go. Could you come get me? I know I shouldn’t bother you, but it’s really late, and I’m scared of the dark.”

Even I could hear the fear in Sarah’s voice.

Mark took a deep breath, his voice edged with impatience. “You’re an adult. Can’t you take a cab? There are plenty of your colleagues there. Ask John to take you. Why are you calling me?”

“But… you said I could call you anytime…”

As if to prove his loyalty, Mark hung up before she could finish.

Silence descended, broken only by the intensifying rain outside. Mark’s fingers tapped a restless rhythm on the chair arm, a nervous habit he had.

The door opened softly. “Dr. Harris, could you take a look at patient in room 27?”

He seemed to exhale in relief.

“Mandy, I’ll be right back. I promise.”

He tucked the blanket around me and left without looking back.

I slept fitfully that night, never seeing him again.

When the sky began to lighten, I reached for my phone. A message from an unknown number contained a photo of Mark, drying his wet hair with a pink towel.

“He’s fresh out of the shower. I’ll return it later. ;)”

Tears streamed down my face, my heart shattering into a million pieces.

I hated myself for almost believing him.

I stared at the ceiling until the hospital came alive with the sounds of a new day.

Mark walked in as if he’d never left, placing a bowl of warm oatmeal on the table. “You’re awake! Sorry, I had two emergencies last night…”

“Oh.” I cut him off, showing him the photo. “Mark, you cheated. We’re over.”

The spoon clattered to the floor. He looked shocked, then委屈. “I swear, I was at the hospital all night. That photo’s from last month… She must have taken it then. Her pipes burst in her new apartment, and she didn’t know what to do. I just happened to be nearby. I only used her towel to dry my face!”

“Mark, if I hadn’t been away last month, would you have gone to fix her pipes in the middle of the night?”

He flinched, silenced.

We’d lived together for years. Our pipes weren’t exactly strangers to plumbing issues. But Mark always said his hands were meant for healing, not fixing drains. So either I called a plumber, or I did it myself.

Turns out, he wasn’t incapable. I was just willingly blind.

I pushed his hand away, ignoring the lingering aches from the fever, and went to check myself out. The air between us crackled with tension. Mark trailed behind me, like a child who knew he’d done wrong.

As I reached the exit, he stopped me, his voice desperate. “Mandy, please believe me. I never did anything to hurt you. I have a major surgery today. Please wait for me. I’ll explain everything tonight, okay? I’ll make you understand. I’ll make you feel safe. We have so much history together. I can’t lose you.”

I didn’t reply. I just pointed behind him, a sardonic smile playing on my lips.

Sarah was walking towards us, her thin dress barely offering any warmth against the chill. Her eyes were red and swollen, her body trembling.

“Dr. Mark, I did what you said. I asked John to take me home last night, but he…”

As she got closer, the red marks on her neck became visible. Her voice was hoarse, her lips quivering.

“He…he tried to force himself on me. If I hadn’t hit him with a vase, I don’t know what would have…”

Mark’s eyes turned icy. He glanced at me, his face a mask of conflict. Then, with a sigh, he turned to me.

“Mandy, I’m sorry. I asked John to take her home. I swear, this is the last time I’ll see her. I’ll explain everything when I get home tonight.”

Of course. For Sarah, he was always available.

I raised my hand. This time, the slap landed hard across his face. The pent-up frustration of the past few days finally found release.

“If it makes you feel better, you can hit me again.”

He didn’t flinch. He kissed my hand, then turned to comfort Sarah as they walked away.

I laughed, hailing a cab.

We were finally going our separate ways.

I hadn’t told Mark about the other call I’d received, the one from Sarah’s parents. They’d been the ones to contact me, their voices heavy with resignation.

I learned they were major investors in the pharmaceutical industry, successful but distant parents who’d substituted affection with money. They’d only realized the extent of Sarah’s neediness when she tried to drown herself over a man. They finally understood the importance of love and attention, but it was too late. Her warped personality was already set, and now they were left cleaning up her messes.

They apologized profusely, explaining that this wasn’t Sarah’s first act of self-destruction. It was her way of punishing them for their neglect, each dramatic episode a cry for attention.

“See? Look what I’ve become! Are you happy now? Are you?!”

This time was no different.

“I’m in love with Dr. Mark! He left his girlfriend of over ten years for me. It must be true love!”

I felt a pang of pity. Was it love, or just another act of rebellion? I didn’t know, and thankfully, I didn’t have to.

Using their guilt to my advantage, I asked for a few referrals. For pharmaceutical giants like them, it was a trivial request. “I don’t need a guaranteed position. Just an opportunity. That’s all I ask.”

My years of hard work had resulted in an impressive resume. Coupled with my humble, weary demeanor, they readily agreed, promising introductions to top pharmaceutical companies, with management positions in mind.

My first interview was scheduled for that afternoon, a preliminary phone screening with HR. Even with the referral, I wasn’t taking any chances. This was a top-tier company, a chance I’d paid dearly for.

To my surprise, the HR representative was incredibly friendly, implying that the interview was merely a formality. Still, I maintained my professionalism, showcasing my skills and experience.

Within three hours, I received the good news. “Hi Mandy, Ms. Gao was very impressed with your background. When are you available to meet with her for a more in-depth discussion?”

I booked a train ticket for the next morning, eager to seize the opportunity.

The tension finally drained from my body. Exhaustion, coupled with the lingering effects of the fever, hit me like a wave. I collapsed on the couch and fell asleep.

I woke up hours later to a ringing phone. It was a mutual friend of Mark’s and mine, a colleague from the hospital.

“Mandy, I thought you should know…Mark’s been arrested.”

My sleepiness vanished. I listened in stunned silence as he explained how Mark had assaulted John, a surgeon who had just finished a long operation, all because of Sarah. John hadn’t fought back, opting instead to call the police, accusing Mark of assault and defamation.

“Sarah claimed John had gotten drunk and tried to force himself on her, even faking hickeys on her neck. Turns out, John wasn’t even there that night. That girl is trouble. A real manipulator. We all know Mark is a good guy. He just lost his head.”

He paused, waiting for my reaction. “You two have been together for so long… It’s such a shame. I’m sure he’ll apologize when he gets out.”

I ignored the unspoken plea. “Thanks for letting me know. But we’ve already broken up.”

Another silence. “Well…take care of yourself.”

My phone buzzed with a travel reminder: six hours until departure.

I hesitated, then opened Mark’s messages. His last message to me, a promise he’d never keep: “Wait for me. See you tonight.”

This was the last time he would let me down.

I blocked him on everything.

I spent the remaining hours packing, ready to start anew.