In the misty world, it’s like a dream but also real

I was a sophomore in college when I got pregnant. Mark, my boyfriend, told me to get an abortion, alone.

I went home to find my dad tied to a chair.

Mark was there, with Jessica in his arms, kissing her passionately, right in front of us.

“Sarah, see? I love Jessica. You and that baby make me sick!”

“Oh, and your crazy mom, I let her out the front door. Maybe she’s been hit by a car by now.”

“Don’t blame me. You deserve this!”

His words cut like knives, stabbing into my heart, into my dad’s heart. It was suffocating.

All those sweet moments, just a cruel, calculated lie.

He left, just like that, leaving me with the wreckage of my life.

Seven years later, fresh out of the police station, I climbed into his car without even realizing it.

I’d lost count of how many times I’d been to the station.

The cops were cracking down on places like the bar where I worked, and I was a regular visitor.

Stepping out, I opened the door of a black car and slid in, pulling a cigarette from my purse. “Mind if I smoke?” I asked without looking up.

The answer wasn’t what I expected.

“How much?” a cold voice replied.

“Not working tonight,” I said, annoyed. “I’m tired.”

I turned to look at the driver. My heart stopped.

Even after seven years, I knew that face. Mark’s face. Etched into my soul.

I’d imagined our reunion a thousand times, but never like this, at my lowest.

I was wearing a skimpy dress, my face caked with makeup after a night in jail. I looked disgusting, even to myself.

I reached for the door handle, but it was locked. Click.

Mark’s voice, icy, filled the car. “Tired? Too much ‘work’? Must be making good money. Guess you’ve been doing well without me.”

Shame washed over me, a feeling I hadn’t felt in years.

I dug my nails into my palms to stay calm.

“Sorry, wrong car. Can you unlock the door, please?”

He scoffed, a cruel smirk twisting his lips. “Is this your usual trick? Wrong car, wrong guy? Then you use that dirty body of yours to lure men in.”

I couldn’t hold back anymore. “Stop it, Mark! What do you want? It’s been seven years. Can’t we just be strangers?”

Something in my words triggered him. His hand shot out, gripping my chin, eyes blazing.

“Strangers? You don’t get to decide that!”

Tears blurred my vision, choking my words.

“Sarah, you know what you are? You’re like a cockroach in the sewer. Even the air you breathe disgusts me. Filthy!”

A knock on the window broke the tension. Mark let go.

I opened the door and saw another familiar face. Jessica.

She gasped, staring at me. “Oh my god, Sarah? Is that you? What are you wearing? Are you… you know…”

I wiped at my tears, smearing my makeup. My reflection in the window looked like a grotesque clown.

“No. You’ve got the wrong person.”

I ran.

I found a quiet alley and let myself cry, the tears I’d held back for seven years finally breaking free.

My phone rang.

It was Mrs. Davis, my neighbor.

“Sarah, get back here! Your mom’s fighting with the neighbor’s kid again.”

I hailed a cab and rushed home.

Two skinny kids were kneeling on the floor, facing a large woman and her chubby son.

My mom sat nearby, clutching a chocolate bar, giggling.

“There you are! Can’t you control your crazy mother? She stole my son’s candy! Why don’t you just go sleep with more men so she can eat?”

I walked over and knelt beside the two kids.

We bowed our heads in unison.

“We’re sorry.”

The woman spat at me.

“Sorry doesn’t cut it. Pay up!”

I looked up, my voice flat. “I don’t have any money. You can have my life. Is that enough? If not, you can have these kids’ lives too.”

“You… you… you’re a lowlife! You whore! Just you wait!”

The woman stormed out, dragging her son. I sat on the floor, defeated.

A laugh escaped my lips.

Yes, I was a lowlife.

When did it start?

Maybe when my mom, lost in her dementia, first smashed someone’s fancy car.

Maybe when I stole a roll from a homeless man to feed my starving twin sons.

Maybe when I first stole a gold necklace from a customer.

The last seven years felt like a blur, a hazy dream.

A warm towel touched my face, pulling me back to reality.

“Mommy, let’s get you up. The floor is cold. Your tummy will hurt.”

My sweet, understanding sons. My heart ached.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry you have to go through this with me.”

My mom, who had been giggling, suddenly whimpered.

Anger flared inside me. I snatched the chocolate bar from her hand and ground it into the floor with my heel.

“I told you a thousand times! Don’t take things that aren’t yours! Why won’t you listen! I’d rather my sons starve than let you go without, and this is how you repay me?”

She looked at me with blank eyes, a smile still on her lips.

That smile… it grated on me. I wanted to scream, to yell.

“Stop smiling!”

Then, she spoke. “Sarah eat… my Sarah loves chocolate…”

My anger dissolved. Tears streamed down my face.

I collapsed at her feet, my head in her lap.

“Mom… I’m sorry.”

Later, I put on my heavy makeup, ready for work.

Even with the crackdown, I could still sell drinks. As long as I could earn money, I’d do anything.

As I stepped out of our rundown apartment, two black sedans blocked the entrance.

Four large men jumped out, shoving me aside as they rushed inside.

My sons’ cries echoed from within.

I ran in. “Let them go! Who are you? Why are you taking my children?”

My mom bit one of the men’s arms, but he flung her away. Her head hit the doorframe. Blood gushed out.

I clung to the man’s leg, desperately trying to stop him, but he dragged me out into the yard.

My clothes tore, my skin scraped raw against the pavement. He stepped on me, grinding me into the dirt.

I watched helplessly as my sons were shoved into the car.

“Please, give me back my children! I’ll do anything!”

A car window rolled down, revealing a familiar profile.

My breath caught in my throat.

“Sarah, you didn’t get rid of them!”

Mark’s voice was glacial. He didn’t even look at me.

My body trembled. “No, they’re not yours. They’re not your children.”

He snorted. “We’ll see about that. If they’re mine, you’ll never see them again. A filthy woman like you doesn’t deserve to be near my children.”

He signaled to the driver. The car started to move.

Zach, my older son, opened the window and yelled, “Mommy! I’ll protect Mikey! We’ll come back for you! We’ll never leave you!”

The car sped away. I stumbled back inside, my body bruised and bleeding.

The apartment was in chaos. My mom lay still in a pool of blood.

I collapsed beside her, sobbing. “Mom, wake up. They took my babies. Come with me. Help me get them back. I can’t do it alone.”

My phone rang.

“Sarah, where are you? We have some big spenders tonight. I saved them for you.” It was Jenny, the bar manager.

I choked out the words. “Jenny, my… my babies are gone. My mom… I don’t know what to do.”

The line went dead.

Twenty minutes later, a group of women burst into my apartment.

Jenny was in the lead, followed by some of the other girls from the bar.

She pulled me up. “Lisa, call 911! Rachel, pack some things for the hospital.”

Then, she turned to me, her voice gentle. “Sarah, it’s okay. We’re here.”

Tears streamed down my face. “Why are you all here?”

Lisa squeezed my shoulder. “Money can wait. We’re all in this together. Who else is gonna look out for you?”

They helped me get my mom to the hospital. The doctor told me she had a brain tumor. It had ruptured. He advised me to let her go.

I couldn’t speak. I just cried.

Jenny made the decision for me. “We’ll fight.”

They pooled their money to cover the deposit for the surgery.

As the operating room doors closed, I heard my sons’ voices.

“Mommy! Help me!”

I turned and saw Mark walking towards me, Jessica at his side.

He stopped in front of me, sneering. “I underestimated you. Following me all the way here, bringing backup.”

“Don’t bother. I told you, you’ll never see them again.”

Jenny stepped in front of me, pointing at Mark. “Are you even a man? Her father died because of you, her mother’s dying because of you, you’ve stolen her children. What more do you want from her?”

Mark scoffed. “Spare me the sob story. Even if it’s true, they deserved it.”

I pushed Jenny aside, screaming, “It was my mom who had an affair with your dad! Why do you hate me and my dad? What did we do? Give me back my children!”

Mark burst out laughing, then his face contorted with rage. He grabbed my throat.

“If your useless father had controlled his wife, she wouldn’t have seduced my father! My mom wouldn’t have gotten depressed and killed herself and my dad!”

“As for you, you’re a living sin! Why should you have parents when I became an orphan?”

He threw me against the wall, ripping at my clothes.

“Let your sons see what a filthy whore you are, just like your mother!”

“You’re even worse than her! Selling yourself like that!”

Jenny and the others tried to intervene, but his bodyguards held them back.

Zach and Mikey were crying hysterically. As Mark tore at my last layer of clothing, Zach cried out,

“We promise we’ll never see Mommy again! Please, just leave her alone!”

Mark stopped, a satisfied smirk on his face.

He wiped his hands with a tissue and turned to leave.

Jessica looked back at me. “I’ll take good care of them.”

I lay on the floor, sobbing. Jenny covered me with her jacket.

“Don’t worry. You’ve been through so much. You’ll get through this.”

“We’ll get the money together. We’ll get you a lawyer. We’ll get your kids back.”

Three days later, my mom woke up.

She took my hand, her eyes clear for the first time in years.

I knew this was her last moment of lucidity.

“Sarah, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for what I did to you, to your father. I have to go now. I have to atone.”

She closed her eyes.

The last thread holding me together snapped.

After the funeral, I stood on a bridge, looking at the rushing water below. A sad smile touched my lips.

Jenny called, her voice excited. “Sarah, we got the money! We’re coming to get you. We’ll find a lawyer!”

I whispered, “Don’t. You can’t win. Thank you, Jenny. I promised you I’d be strong. I’m sorry. I can’t.”

I spread my arms and jumped.

I didn’t want to be in this world anymore.