Misunderstanding love
Chapter 1
It had been six years of marriage when John finally got a two-bedroom bungalow from his work.
I was ecstatic, telling Lily she’d finally have her own bed.
John, though, said coldly, “That room’s for Claire and her daughter. You and Lily will keep sleeping on the floor.”
In my past life, we fought bitterly, and he eventually gave in.
While I was away on a business trip, he broke his promise, brought Claire home, and made Lily sleep on the floor.
While my daughter cried with a high fever, he read bedtime stories to Claire’s kid, ignoring Lily until she stopped breathing.
Reborn, I laid out the bedding on the floor and calmly said, “Whatever.”
1.
I picked Lily up from daycare after work. The house was a mess, clothes strewn everywhere.
Claire and her daughter’s photos hung in what was supposed to be Lily’s room.
Lily’s clothes, neatly folded in the dresser, were dumped on the floor.
Our few belongings were tossed in the yard like trash.
Claire feigned surprise when we came in, a smirk on her face. “Sorry, Lisa, I was just clearing out the junk,” she said, dripping with disdain.
“John said I could move in with Chloe. You and your daughter can make do in the kitchen tonight.”
Her smug grin held no apology, only mocking triumph.
I glanced at the princess bed in the other room, my nails digging into my palms. I let out a bitter laugh.
That bed was brand new, at least fifty bucks. Claire didn’t even have a job. It had to be John’s money.
Last month, he yelled at me for being irresponsible when I asked for a dollar for Lily’s pencil case. He said she was too focused on keeping up with the other kids at school.
Yet, he could spend a fortune on a bed for Claire’s daughter but not a dollar on his own.
It only hit me before I died—Claire was his first love, the one he never forgot.
Lily picked up her clothes, her eyes welling up. “Mommy, why is Daddy giving my room to someone else?”
I stroked her cheek, forcing a smile. “We can’t control what he does.”
I had just finished making our bed in the kitchen when John came home.
He had a fish in hand and a smile on his face. He used a nickname I hadn’t heard in ages. “Honey, I got a fish. I’ll make you and Lily that sweet and sour fish you love.”
Lily was doing her homework. He put on a show of affection, kissing her and showing off a new pencil case. “Lily, look! Daddy got you the latest pencil case. Do you like it?”
I looked away, unsurprised. He felt guilty about moving Claire in, that was all.
A slap followed by a treat. That was his way.
Lily slipped from his arms and came to me. She shook her head quietly. “I don’t want it anymore.”
John’s face darkened. He threw the pencil case on the ground, shattering it. “I bring you gifts, and this is how you treat me?! You’re poisoning our daughter against me!”
I pulled Lily close, my heart aching. “Yeah, we’re just not likable,” I said, the words dripping with self-pity.
Lily, frightened, brought him a glass of water. “Daddy, have some water. Don’t be mad.”
Still furious, he swatted the glass away. “I don’t want your water! You’re just as annoying as your mother!”
Hot water splashed on Lily’s hand, and she burst into tears.
I quickly applied ointment, my own tears blurring my vision. “Don’t cry, Lily. It won’t hurt once Mommy puts this on…”
Panic flashed across John’s face. He rushed over, inspecting Lily’s hand. “I’m sorry, Lily. Daddy didn’t mean it. I’ll take you to the clinic right now!”
He went to pick her up, and I, desperate, helped him lift her onto his back.
We hadn’t even left the yard when a shriek came from Claire’s room. “John! Chloe scraped her knee! Come help me!”
John hesitated, looking towards the room.
Lily and I both pleaded, almost simultaneously. “Please, let’s go to the clinic. I can’t manage alone, I need to pay, and she’s scared…”
“Daddy, it hurts. Can we please go…”
He put Lily down, handing her back to me apologetically. “Chloe’s always been delicate. Claire can’t handle this alone. You take Lily to the clinic, I’ll be there soon.”
He hurried back inside.
I carried Lily the long miles to the clinic. The doctor treated her burn. Seeing how late it was, they offered us a bed.
It was the first time in both my lives, since Claire had moved back, that Lily and I slept in a real bed.
2.
I dreamt of when John and I were dating. He held my hand gently. “Lisa, stay with me. I’ll never let you suffer.”
He promised to protect me, to shield me from the world.
And so, I married him.
We started with nothing, just a bed in an empty room.
John was ambitious. He wanted to give me a good life.
He took on extra work, grading papers, organizing lesson plans, staying up until 3 or 4 AM.
He used his first extra earnings to buy me wool gloves. Twenty dollars, earned after weeks of late nights and frostbite.
I was touched. “You shouldn’t have,” I said, but he just smiled, a ray of sunshine in the winter gloom. “You won’t get chilblains anymore. Anything for you is worth it.”
Life got better. We furnished our home, moved to a bigger place, and had Lily.
Everyone called John the perfect husband.
It lasted seven years, until Claire came back with her daughter.
John stopped sharing our bed, making Lily and me sleep on the floor.
Thinking he was stressed from work, I took Lily to his school, hoping to cheer him up.
Instead, I saw him beaming as he picked Claire’s daughter up from daycare. “How about I be your daddy from now on?” he said.
My heart shattered. He’d never smiled at Lily like that.
He didn’t love me. I wasn’t as important as Claire.
That’s why he could banish us to the floor in the freezing cold, giving our bed to Claire.
If I hadn’t learned the truth before dying, I would never have understood his cruelty.
When Lily burned her hand, I saw a flicker of guilt and concern in his eyes.
I held onto a sliver of hope, thinking he wasn’t completely lost.
That’s why I pleaded with him in the yard.
But John would always choose Claire.
He didn’t love me, or my daughter. That wouldn’t change, even if I was reborn.
His indifference, his fleeting apologies – they were exactly the same as before.
I hugged Lily tight, vowing that this time, all I wanted was for her to live, to be healthy.
I took Lily to daycare early.
Then I went to my boss and agreed to the transfer to Chicago.
“Lisa, I’m so glad you reconsidered! A bright young woman like you has a real future in Chicago!” he said excitedly.
He’d offered it before. A chance to transfer, even to move our household registration there.
When I told John, he said it was a scam, threatened to divorce me if I went.
I foolishly believed he was protecting me.
He told Claire about the opportunity instead. She took it, got the promotion.
“Yes,” I said. “I’d like to leave as soon as possible.”
I couldn’t stand to be near him a moment longer.
My boss was thrilled. He told me to pack my bags; the tickets were covered.
John and I had never legally married. It felt like fate. I could leave with Lily, just like that.
I bought train tickets and went home to pack.
3.
As I stepped into the yard, I heard whispers from inside.
Claire giggled. “John, you’re so impatient! We’re at your house, aren’t you worried Lisa might come back?”
John’s voice was lazy, unconcerned. “Even if she did, she’d just cry and hide. What’s she going to do?”
I scoffed. He knew me too well. He knew I loved him desperately.
In my past life, crying was all I could do.
I pushed the door open.
John’s face turned thunderous. “What are you doing here?” he snapped.
I laughed dryly. “This is my house, too.”
Claire, defiant, straightened her clothes as she got out of bed, deliberately leaving a couple of buttons undone to show off the marks on her collarbone.
“Lisa,” she sneered, “John and I were just talking about you. Where were you last night?”
“Out all night with a child. You wouldn’t splurge on a motel, would you? Or were you with some… other man?”
She looked at John, a knowing smile on her face.
John’s face was grim as he scrutinized me, his cold gaze trying to pierce through me. He’d already bought her story.
“Lisa! Have you no shame?! I can’t believe I ever fell for such a loose woman!”
His words stung, but I couldn’t even muster the energy to argue. “Believe what you want,” I said coldly, going to the dresser to gather our things.
Claire’s laughter grated on my nerves. She clung to John, mocking me. “John, I told you not to worry about her. Chloe should be the one going to Pinewood Elementary.”
She looked down her nose at me. “What kind of mother are you, anyway? What a waste of a good opportunity.”
I paused, packing, her words ringing hollow.
Wanting only to escape, I ignored her taunts. “He doesn’t need to worry about me.”
My coldness infuriated him. He stormed over, throwing my packed clothes on the floor. “Lisa! I was going to discuss who should go to Pinewood, Lily or Chloe! You don’t deserve any consideration!”
Pinewood Elementary, the best school in the area. He had a guaranteed spot, being a teacher.
He’d never considered Lily. Last time, he sent Chloe, then told me about the spot, pretending to be considerate. “Lily’s still young,” he’d said. “There’s another spot next year.”
But Lily died before next year.
The memories deepened my despair.
I looked at the clothes on the floor, a tangled mess, like our relationship.
Claire added fuel to the fire. “See, John? I told you, she and her daughter are just unpleasant. Chloe and I are much more likeable.”
John glared at me, waiting for a reaction. When I remained silent, he exploded. “I’m giving Chloe the spot at Pinewood! You don’t deserve it!”
“And Lisa, just so you know, Claire and I are officially married. Her household registration’s transferred here!”
He stared intently, a strange mixture of anticipation and excitement in his eyes. As if waiting for me to say something, to react.
I nodded, a detached smile on my face. “Good. Saves me the trouble of asking for a divorce. We’re done, John. We have nothing to do with each other anymore.”
